The last thing I saw was Patrick Swayze sitting behind Demi Moore and messing up the pot she was making at her wheel. Then I was out like a light. Ghost is a terrible movie. I woke up to my dad picking me up off the couch. I looked over to see my mom ejecting the tape from the VCR and realized what had happened. I was being carried off to my bedroom. I needed an opportunity to protest. I reached out and snagged the molding around the doorway into the hall. My father swung around a bit with the next step and nearly dropped me. He was clearly annoyed. “Now, what are you doing? You were asleep thirty seconds ago.”
“I don’t need to go to bed. I’m awake now. You can put me down.”
He ignored me. My mother started following behind. Apparently, they were going to tuck me in and try to make me stay in bed. “I don’t want to sleep.”
“Too bad. It’s late.”
“But I don’t want to.”
My feet were placed on the bedroom floor and I was pointed toward my bed. I obeyed, but asked, “Are YOU going to bed?”
“Not yet. Soon.”
“Then I can stay up. I really don’t want to sleep.”
“Jake, why is it always like this?”
“Because sleep is scary. I don’t know what happens when I sleep. I can’t do anything when I’m not awake.”
Even at six, I was sort of a control freak.
★ ★ ★
Anymore, rest feels like a reward that one earns after a hard day’s work. A necessity for naps has also developed and comes in just behind the need for meals. I like to sleep and don’t usually feel like I get enough of it. It took a while, but I developed a confidence that I’m not going to be killed, robbed or left behind in my sleep. I also had to realize that the odds of waking up to a fiery death are also slim.
Jesus took a nap- He was out cold in a boat in the middle of a giant storm. He slept with the confidence that comes from knowing one’s purpose and with a trust in Yahweh who had everything in control (Mark 4:38). Sometimes, taking a nap or going to bed on time when I really should be writing or doing something productive feels like a giant surrender of my own controlling personality to God, who can do so much more than I can. I have to pray about things before I go to bed each night for peace of mind, but at the end of the day, I get to close my eyes knowing that I don’t have to worry about or take care of every single thing. It’s wonderful.
How is it you can creatively relate a story from your past AND convict me in the same post?!
I actually was the same way growing up. I didn’t like going to bed because I was afraid of what would happen when I was asleep. It definitely was a control issue, one I’m still working on giving over to him.
With that, I think it’s time for another 20 minute nap. Once the Bears game is done, that is.
My fat is just tired lately. I’m wondering if it’s an old age thing 🙂
Yea, it happens. I can’t stay up as late and still be with it the next day. Sucks.
I just woke up from a 2.5 hr nap and then read this. Perfect timing! I fight sleep as if it’s an enemy instead of the restoration necessity God made it to be. My plan this week – study…and rest.
Good plan. You at least need to rest. Study? I think you’re ready. 🙂
Yeah well, enjoy it while you can… Wait till you have kids someday! You’ll long for the days of carefree sleep for sure!
This is well said. If we really do trust in God and His control, why would we stress in fear anything in this world? We’ve become so reliant on our senses that we think we can control our destiny exactly like a god. It is this understanding you’ve written about that truly does set us free. Free to slumber in the gifts of our Father.
Just contemplating these thoughts and the peace and joy of God, brings me deep relaxation.
Oh, and by the way, you better start praying now for God to bless you with a kid who doesn’t have the same tendencies as you!
Floyd, truthfully, I’m vain enough that I want my kids to be just like me 😉 I’m mostly kidding. Mostly.
It is nice knowing that we aren’t necessarily graded on how much we produce- that we aren’t commissioned to exhaust ourselves to the point of death for the Almighty. I like that.
Thanks again for the blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.