Lord, I pray that you’d make [insert name] miserable in their sin.

I just pray that they’d hate it, no matter how much they think they want it

and no matter how much fun [insert name] has in the process.

Give them an extra bad hangover.

Tell the cops where they’re at.

Let them get syphilis.

Spank them.

★

Heavenly father, please bless all this food to [so-and-so’s] wife’s chins. He was a jerk to me last week and I want him to suffer because I know he’s totally shallow. Thank you in advance and amen.

★

Dear Jesus, please let the strip club down the street from my school burn to the ground. Just don’t let anyone get hurt in the process, because that would be mostly awful. Glory, hallelujah.

★

Jesus killed a fig tree.

It seems as if He did it because He wanted a snack, and it failed to provide.

He might have done it for fun, too.

Just kidding.

Jesus cursed the tree because it wasn’t bearing fruit, but many Bible scholars tell us that it was out of season, so He should have known that He would get any figs that day. Whether or not this was true, the Son of God had the power to make this tree give Him fruit. Doing so would have fit His character more than cursing it. Jesus was always in the business of healing, restoration and other usefulness- He liked to have things working as they should be. So why did He cause the tree to wither and never ever put out any more fruit?

The disciples asked how He did it, not why. Jesus told them they could do it too, if they had faith and no doubt (Matt. 21:21). He said they’d even be able to cast a mountain into the sea. I wonder how many rocky ranges have been rebuked to the nearest ocean in response to this verse. I think any Jesus-person would love to see such a drastic, immediate response to their own faith-fueled demands. Jesus could have made the tree grow, develop and ripen fruit and still given the faith explanation. Why did He kill the tree?

Jesus has the power to make any of us bear fruit. He could give me a sweeter disposition, could make some people less stupid and could turn all of us into world-class evangelists and servants. Jesus can make me a better person, against my will. But He’s not like that. Instead, He gets rid of anything that doesn’t bear fruit. He could leave me or anyone else to their own will and passions, but He’ll definitely have to do something about it later. He even trims the stuff that’s not doing so bad. The whole thing sounds painful or terrifying.

It seems that we’re allowed to pray prayers that might seem a little vindictive. Maybe we’re allowed to curse something because we don’t like what it’s doing. Probably not. Rather, we can stand against anything that doesn’t seem to fit into God’s will, because it’s bearing terrible, scary, or no fruit at all. We just have to do it with wisdom, understanding that restoration and blessing are the better route, but sometimes, you just have to kill or chop something off in some cases.