Conviction hits hard when I’m showering. I’m not sure if Jesus just takes the time when I’m obviously less distracted by media and my thoughts–the brain is a bit slower prior to being accosted by caffeine in the early morning. Regardless, it’s during this time of bearing all before the Lord that He decides to talk to me about how ridiculous I can be. I was showering before work one morning, talking to Jesus about how great He is and how I’m not so great when I noticed a spider clinging to the ceiling on the other side of the shower curtain. “Ugh, I hate spiders,” I thought.
The next five minutes, I showered with my eyes open, staring at the eight-legged freak that I knew was staring back at me through his way too many eyes. Shampoo trickled down my forehead into my left eye, and it stung, but I refused to relent in watching the evil little beast. It turned out that this was wise too, because not much later, all eight of it’s legs bolted, in my direction. Immediately, I was completely pissed that it was doing this, but that anger morphed to fear as the monster proceeded to the space right above my head.
My fear grew as the spider not only ran to the place right above me, but began a speedy decent from the ceiling, dangling from an invisible line of web attached to the drywall. It was obviously going to eat me! I yanked back the shower curtain and all of my dripping wet 135 pounds bolted to the door, fumbled to turn the lock with my soapy, wet hand, then proceeded to run down the hall and into to my bedroom. I was an indoor streaker, but imagine myself as a blur of flesh more than anything else.
Once in my room, I tugged a plain white shirt over the wet head and shoulders and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts. I was officially ready to go kill a spider (for some reason, they’re more intimidating when I’m not clothed…). I stomped out of my room, down the hallway, and into the bathroom. Water still sprayed from the shower head and just above the stream, floated a spider, waiting for its prey.
I grabbed what felt like a quarter of a roll of toilet paper in my wet hand and carefully approached the foul creature. I lifted my arm and slowly brought my had closer and closer to one of the most frightening creatures to ever live. As soon as I had my thumb on one side and my fingers on the other, all of which guarded by a thick shield of toilet paper, my hand snapped shut and I squeezed until I felt the pop of the monster’s life ending in my hand.
I’m not going to lie,
the spider was more intimidating
when I was in my birthday suit than after I had donned some simple clothing.
I don’t know why, perhaps it was just more awkward (this whole post is awkward, Jake).
Nakedness and strength don’t go together well, at all. Strength comes in armor and fortification. Strength is found in covering.
Nehemiah 8:10 says, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength”
The Hebrew word for strength in this verse is ma’owz. It doesn’t refer to physical or mental strength but translates to refuge, place of safety, or protection. The joy of the Lord isn’t a muscle to be worked, but rather is a place to which we retreat. God’s Joy for us is a place of refuge when something scary encroaches on our being. That strength isn’t behind muscle or brick, but is found in an incredible emotion. God tells us that in difficult times, when conviction might be all around us, and we’re being attacked from all sides, we can withdraw to a place where we can smile with Him. That will get us through anything.
Two articles of clothing didn’t make me safe from that stupid spider. They did absolutely nothing, but somehow, I felt more courage to go and kill the fiend that had the stupidity to interrupt me in the middle of my shower. God’s joy will do the same for you, if you allow for it to be your enveloping strength.
This post is part of the Blog Carnival hosted by Bridget Chumbely. Check out the other amazing writer’s submissions!

I laughed all the way through this post, Jake. But, the lesson was powerful. I once thought I might die in the shower during a terrible earthquake. All I wanted to do was get dressed before the aftershocks started… weird. 🙂
I'm glad you laughed, Bridget. I was kind of afraid that the shower-scene thing might freak some people out. It's a completely true story though. I hate and am terrified of spiders. And I'm with you on that, if an earthquake happened during that time, I'd panic and run for my clothes without a second thought!
I'm excited to run over and read the other posts probably during my lunch today!
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this post! How big was this spider? I smiled when I saw the link on Bridget's blog, because I figured you had written it. Thanks for sharing your little adventure and the lessons learned.
Oh Kathy, it wasn't more than an inch, so it wasn't a Texas spider or anything like that…. but it was still a messenger from hell, dispatched to interrupt my being, maybe even take it away from me. And that makes me happy, that you knew that was me. That just goes to show that we're the best of bloggity friends!
If they made basketball shorts branded "the joy of the Lord" they'd sell like hotcakes. Yeah, hotcakes.
I loved this awkward post. Both of my boys are terrified of spiders, and next time instead of mocking them, I will direct them to Nehemiah. And shorts.
Candy, they probably would. And you made fun of your boys for being afraid of spiders? Cruel woman! I would never have expected that from you!! 🙂
My parents have a single-wide trailer on a 4-acre lot at my great-grandparents' farm on Clubfoot Creek in Eastern NC. We go down there at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a bit each summer. And if you've ever hung out in an unoccupied shack on a farm in the country, there's lots of little creepy-crawlies lurking around. They think that we have invaded THEIR space! In addition to my FEAR of creepy-crawlies of all descriptions, I am ALLERGIC to bees. So, imagine my horror when I, one morning, was standing in the shower, shampooing my hair, only to open my eyes and come face-to-face with an angry, wet bee. Eeeeek! I came screaming out of the shower–soap and water flying willy-nilly. "DADDY!" (When you see a bee in the shower, it doesn't matter that you're over thirty. Dad immediately becomes DADDY, the conquering hero!) As I cowered in my bedroom, dripping and wrapped in a towel, my Dad vanquished the beast and I was quickly able to return to the shower. But what a traumatic moment! It was worse than the shower scene in Psycho! (Okay, maybe not.)
YOU GET IT! YOU TOTALLY GET IT! It's the bloody worst thing freaking ever! And with anything like that around, anyone can become a hero in my book, and you're 100%b right. Worse than a scene in Psycho. 🙂
I'm still laughing at the visuals.
"The joy of the Lord is our strength" – What a mighty and awesome God we serve!
I can relate all too well. It's hard to squish those spiders nekkid (or swat a fly, or…). It's got to be the basketball shorts. Under Armor indeed.
Great point about God's strength being protection and refuge. Glad we don't have to face the world (spiritually) naked.
wow funny post but nevertheless the message was there. and i myself would be pondering on that verse tonight before sleeping. thank you and God bless.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by . said: […]
With clothes or without I know I must rely on His strength to cope with insects of many kinds…
Didn't James write about that — "do not be surprised when you encounter insects of many kinds"??
Oh wait, that was "trials"
Graet post.. glad I stopped by.
An absolutely perfect story — told perfectly. I'm still laughing. I've killed spiders in the shower — with my wife wondering why I'm jumping up and down.
Then — there are snakes. I wouldn't even face a snake fully clothed. When I see a snake, my motto is, "Feet, don't fail me now."
This is the first time I've visited your blog, but I was intrigued by your title on the Carnival list. Somehow, I just knew it was going to be funny, and oh, how it was! I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since I don't like spiders either, but I fear bees more.
I wasn't sure how you were going to tie it all into strength, but you succeeded wonderrfully–a powerful message came out of this. I'm glad I visited.
AHHHH!!! The visual imagery going on here is… well… disturbing. Of course, leave it up to Jake to blog about a shower scene. But it was hilarious all the same!
Okay, I'm not scared of spiders. But then again, I don't weight 135 pounds. I can see your dilemma. And even if I wasn't scared of spiders, I'd probably use the excuse to go streaking.
And how you tied that into Nehemiah. Pretty brilliant.
BTW, was THAT comment awkward or what?
you made me laugh — one of the things I love about Blog Carnival is finding writers worth reading!
This was worth the read.
Thanks!
Chuckled, laughed, shook my head. And appreciated the translation of Neh. vs. I like the picture you "drew" through your words and heart; the first time it's been described like that for me. And I won't forget picture, b/c every time I read it now I'll "see" this guy determined to kill a spider/invader/intruder, but clothed first.
I hate spiders (until they get big enough to pet and keep as household pets).
But I love crab and calamari.
Go figure.
I imagine they must all taste about the same.
Course, anything's good with cocktail sauce.
Except ice cream.
I think I'm more scared of someone who has cocktail sauce on their ice cream than I am of spiders.
[…] I could think of several reasons for including these lines in the story, but could hardly justify any of them on my own. So I went to the commentaries and my mountain of reference materials. Several theologians suggest that the naked person is a reference to Mark himself. If such is the case, the writing feels almost akin to something like, “I had this friend who…” when the speaker is really telling an embarrassing story about themselves. Then again, some of us have no qualms sharing about our own adventures in the buff. […]
[…] the power they have over me. I’ve allowed them to torment my consciousness and ruin my showers. I didn’t willingly give them the ability to torment me, but my imagination certainly did. In […]