“Oh.”

It’s pronounced, “Oooooohhhhhhhh. . .” The ellipse at the end signifies that it must always precede an awkward silence because your brain needs a moment to catch up. This sound comes out of your mouth when a realization of something that’s been around for a long time and yet has managed to escape your knowledge up until a particular moment finally reveals itself to you. The moment feels like seeing someone you know completely nude and you’re just kinda shocked and probably a little more than bothered. They’ve always looked like that, but they generally wear clothes. Maybe that’s a little too much, but some of you can relate to that.

I had an “oh” moment with myself this afternoon. You see, I’m working at this new job, which is fun, and great and not coffee, when out of nowhere, I had a strong desire to use my semi-new favorite threat,

“I’ll stab you.”

If I’m in a good mood, and really want to draw it out, the whole thing is,

“I’ll stab you, set you on fire and dance in your ashes while yelling (singing), “Fuego! Mas Fuego!”

I know, it’s morbid and violent, but I’m just going to tell you that I grew up on American televion and movies so really, I’m a product of what was there for me to consume. If I was French (European in general) I’d maybe make more sex jokes. Everything they watch borders on porn with poor lighting and ugly people but I digress. . . Anyways, I have this new job and I wanted to threaten someone today, but didn’t. And I think that a little piece of me died when I chose not to let those wonderful words slip past my lips. I wansn’t mad, I wasn’t trying to get what I wanted, it was almost like an automatic response (similar to some people and ‘that’s what she said’- I love the office, but just based on the responses I got from I Didn’t Hear That it’s gone too far with those awful jokes.)

I say all that and have to go back to my “oh” moment of realizing just how dramatic I am, but I’m not drama. You must differentiate between the two, because I don’t cause drama, I just like to fake it! For example, me threatening people when they tell me they already have plans for lunch, or asking if I know where another network cable is. It’s just fun to avoid the question or change the topic with violence. By the way, I don’t eat with my coworkers. I hang out with a woman in her late forties and a couple of guys in their thirties. . . but that’s another topic there.

My “Oh” moment was that I have developed a nasty habit that is slowly killing me because I’m in a place of employment where most people think I’m “nice, sweet, a hard worker” and all that crap, and I’m afraid to blow my cover! My boss knows otherwise, but I’m not too sure that I’ve ever threatened him, so I don’t think that does me any good. Oh well, we make sacrifices to get ahead in life, don’t we? I just get really loud and violent after work.