It seems a little pretentious to write entries proclaiming God’s greatness, showcasing my faith, and acting as if everything is good in the world. True, God IS great, I have a measure of faith, and many good events happen every day, but let’s be honest here; life is not like that. I’m not like that. The opposite holds true as well; blogging is not some cathartic experience where one gets out all types of negative emotions and thoughts, only to make themselves feel better. That’s just annoying to anyone who happens across such a page. I prefer the middle ground. God’s glory will shine through my imperfections, errors, and attitude, because He’s good, and hopefully I’ll find myself in pursuing Him. This is life; some choose to look past their own flaws, and tune-out the world that’s burning before their eyes, while all other people do is complain about how awful it all is. “Everything sucks.” I’ve been in both positions, and neither one felt genuine to me.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m seeing all the imperfections, but I’m doing all that I can to view them through eyes of faith. I want to see the world like God does, full of potential, with purpose that’s fighting to be loosed so that something amazing can happen. Instead I see the old person in the car in front of me who can’t get within reasonable range of the speed limit. They’re old! I can’t honk at them, tailgate them, or take even the least aggressive action without feeling like I’d be responsible for their potential heart-failure. That’s just one example. The biggest problem I see right now is that I’m currently unemployed. “And the loser’s blogging about it…” Believe me, I’m applying for jobs too, and I’m seeking God, asking Him to get me one that won’t depress the stuff out of me. A little background, just to save face. I worked at a church, an amazing one, but got laid off over money matters. I can’t be offended, because I know that it happens! It was far better to let the young single guy go than someone with a family to support, so no complaining! Since then, I’ve been a virtual whirlwind of paperwork, job applications, prayer and scripture, and all that other wonderful crap that we call life in America.
Fortunately, God knew that my string was about to get cut, and managed to give me a gift of cash to live off for a while. His provision amazes me. So, here I am with too much time, wondering what to do with my life. I’ve sought that purpose using my roommate’s X-Box 360 and Guitar Hero among other things. I’d feel like a complete loser but for the fact that I’m going to school, so I break up my music career with job applications, interviews, class and homework. Oh yeah, I’m blogging too. It isn’t amazing, as much as it sounds like it. I’m avoiding spending money on such amenities as new clothes, Christmas gifts and Carl’s Jr, which is killing me. I drove past one last night on my way home from school and I swear that the happy little star with the perpetual smile on his face called out to me, asking why I haven’t come to see him in a while. I cried the rest of the way home. Not really, but it sounds good.
Anyways, that’s where life is right now. I get to leave my house to go to Organizational Communication now, as not fun as that sounds, I’m excited simply to be around people that I don’t live with for a couple hours.