I have a confession to make: I’m one of those predominantly cerebral Jesus people. Although I acknowledge metaphysical matters, I tend to be less than spiritual. In other words, I think about Jesus, but don’t necessarily feel His warm embrace every single time He crosses my mind. I think I need to change this. I’m going to become a more spiritual person. It’s going to be grand. I’ve compiled a list of things I’m going to be doing in order to maximize my ethereal sentience. I’m sharing it with you so you can join me. There’s nothing better than growing together.

1- Lift my hands during worship. Nothing asks for invasion like surrendering at the first sign of an adversary’s approach. Empty hands lifted above one’s head indicated a disarmed harmlessness that every soldier wants to encounter. Adding soft or inspirational music to the scene only makes it that much easier. Jesus people do this all the time in infomercials and on Christian television, so it must have some sort of significance to it. I’m going to take this a little further and do it almost all the time. My hands will be raised in submission to Jesus when I’m in the shower, while I eat breakfast, I’ll drive with at least one hand raised as much as possible, and so on. Holy Spirit should love that and will most likely be inviting me to participate in all sorts of spiritual adventures with Him once I start this.

2- Ever notice that spiritual people aren’t cynical? In my experience, most of them seem like they’ve hit the bong a few too many times and though they’re mostly kind of anchored to reality, the connection between their thoughts and the actuality of everything around them is dubious. In my quest for a greater spirituality, I’m going on a cynicism diet. This means that I’ll probably have to cut out all irony and sarcasm and replace them with a vague sense of awe and if that doesn’t work, confusion. Misanthropic characters seem to believe they know something significant and use that as a reason not to trust or believe in corresponding or differing notions- it really does work that way. So, I’m going to get all sorts of good and confused, as if everything I’ve read is questionable and see what spiritual experiences follow.

3- I asked for the three-volume set of Systematic Theology for Christmas last year. I enjoy books like that because they help me organize my thoughts and therefore settle on the belief system that just impedes my airy, extra-sensory perception. This year, I’ll be requesting “A Divine Revelation of Heaven”,  its counterpart, “A Divine Revelation of Hell” By Mary K. Baxter and a throng of devotionals too. Books like these never seem to completely align with solid theology and are crazy enough to get my imagination running. Both of which might be necessary for this exercise.

4- Since I’ll be reading books about the metaphysical realms that seem to be at least partially closed off to the living, I’ll also be thinking about angels and demons. With them on my mind, I’ll be searching for their influence in everything that happens to me. That red light that slows me down when I’m already late for work? Damn that demon to hell. The dollar I discover at my feet when I open my car door? Obviously placed there by one of God’s greatest minions. Praise the Lord.

5- The next step can play out in one of two ways: I can either stop listening to any secular music all together, or I can drill down into every song and album, searching for the meaning behind it all. This could lead to playing songs backwards or playing anagrams with lyrics to see if they praise the evil one. We can’t have any of that and every song ever written by a person who does not have a relationship with Jesus is suspect.

7-Never watch anything funny ever again. Spiritual people don’t laugh.

Ugh, this list is getting long. I was going to include prayer, fasting and meditation, but I’m already going to be exerting myself in an attempt to open up my spiritual senses, so I’m not sure I’ll have the energy for things like that. Either way, I’m about to jump into this. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

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What extra-biblical spiritual disciplines have you encountered in your lifetime?