On Thoughts and Writing

Words kept coming, fed by a relentless expansion of ideas on my topic of choice. The thoughts made sense, the illustrations came without excessive effort, this was what writing is supposed to be. I felt like one of those awesome stereotypical word geniuses, too. I hadn’t shaved in days, was rocking jeans with holes in them, had hair all over the place and as always, was wearing my giant glasses. Steam from my latte fogged the lenses every time I took a sip. I was my favorite stereotype.
The drink disappeared and reappeared, or at least my perception of it went from my mouth to my bladder, but the words were still coming, so I waited to part with what was left of my drink. I chuckled to myself whenever a witty comment appeared. I congratulated myself on my depth and discernment. I thanked Jesus for helping me do this. I was in the zone.

Two hours later, the thought process slowed down. Half an hour beyond that, it hit a brick wall. I was still more than content with the day’s work and figured it was time to revisit and do some editing. The same smiles and fawning thoughts returned as I made a few word changes and added some explaining details, but the joy soon abandoned me to questions of self-doubt.

Wait. Do I believe what I just wrote?

Will I always believe it?

Do I want to be responsible for this?

I don’t know all the answers. Nobody should experience the least bit of shock at that statement. So when I write, I write from experience and study, but experience doesn’t dictate truth. Sometimes, it can even appear to contradict it. So, if something appears to live as truth now, will it always? Will some revelatory experience or discovery unveil some paradigm-killing information? Part of me hopes not. I don’t want to admit that I’m wrong. The better half of me desires these experiences because Truth is what can make me happiest, but that’s not without pain first.

I agree with what I wrote now, but what if it was published? What if someday somebody interviewed me and informed me that the perspectives from my multiple publications (ha) contradicted each other? Obviously humility would have to come about to help save some face. I’m holding onto what I wrote. I’m examining it and praying about the details and the perspective because I want to present as much truth as possible now to prevent future philosophical U-turns.

But no matter how much I try to prepare for this in an attempt to avoid it,

I bet it happens anyway.

(bad words)

Filed under: writing

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jake Lee, Jake Lee. Jake Lee said: On Thoughts and Writing. Why you should always forget what I said and remember what I say [...]
  2. Eric
    Digg it.
  3. I can relate to every word of this post!! One thing I've been learning, it takes courage to write (especially when you might have perfectionist/people-pleasing tendencies like me). Thanks for being brave!
    • jake
      Jenn Lee. I miss your face. I miss your husband's too. I still haven't been formally introduced to Finn, either. I'm sensing a pattern here. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who has the occasional doubt. I think it's going to plague people like you and I for the rest of our lives though because of the fact that I think we'll write about stuff that matters. As long as the content of our writing holds some (even minimal significance) we'll have to make sure that our stance is not only accurate, but our portrayal represents it in fairness too!
  4. Jennifer Glover
    Blast you Jake Lee, I'm responding to this instead of doing homework. I hope you are appreciative of my awesome words of insight and the sacrifice that i'm making for this post. (ha ha, just kidding... kinda). I actually (once more) started to respond to this yesterday, but the lack of abilities associated with smart phone responses stopped my effort. However you'll be happy to know that i went to bed contemplating this post (don't get a big head). I really liked it, and I really liked Jenn's words too. To be open and honest about your life exactly where you are takes courage and the alternative, to constantly be trying to guard your image, is a lot of work. Sure in 10yrs you'll look back on your life, and realize that you didn't know as much as you thought you did. Things done with best intentions that maybe weren't the "best" in hindsight, but to me that is a sign of someone who is growing, changing, and learning and a sign of someone who is real and authentic. Authenticity is a trump card, for me at least, but I'm pretty sure it's up there on Jesus's list too. As always, thanks for the thoughts Mr. Lee, good insights, good blog.
  5. [...] On Thoughts and Writing (very Much Later – Jake Lee – @muchlater) [...]