Thanks.
He didn’t see me roll my eyes as I spit the word out at his turned back. A forced cheerfulness acquired during my days at the coffee shop masked most of the hostility behind the word. I guess I was glad he held the door long enough for me and my friends to walk through, but I had to follow him all the way to the book store in traffic that wasn’t conducive to passing his slow, tan, ridiculous, never-once-used-his-turn-signal sedan.
Thanks.
I didn’t mean it, it was as reactionary as his holding the door was. Both of us had been trained in the practice of common courtesy, he just must have failed the driving portion of it. It didn’t matter, he walked straight toward the graphic novels while my friends and I made our way toward the periodicals, I’d hopefully never see him again.
Yeah, I don’t like all of my music . . .either?
Of course I didn’t mean it. I was being nice. It wasn’t enough that this ridiculous individual in front of me wasn’t driving the speed limit. That alone was enough agitation to bring about spontaneous combustion, but one of my buddies wanted to play DJ for our drive and couldn’t finish a song. Any tune would get ten seconds beyond the intro then he’d shake my ipod and half-smile at me, as if to say, “I’m sorry! I don’t like this!” I kept wondering, “Why on earth can’t he sit still long enough to finish something, by anyone?” I wanted to snap his neck- or at least banish him to the back seat where he couldn’t get on my nerves.
Oh, It’s alright. We can meet next week.
Tuesday? I can’t.
Thursday? I have church.
Saturday? I have plans with my family, but I really want to hang out,
we’ll make something work.
Of course he didn’t understand that I was blowing him off. I was honest about wanting to spend some time with my buddy, but it was the third time he “double-booked” himself and couldn’t make it. I was polite because that’s what I was supposed to do. I was mad as hell that I clearly wasn’t a priority and even madder that he continually wasted my time by trying to schedule times to be friends and hang out. If He didn’t want to socialize, then perhaps he shouldn’t have suggested it.
We’ve been trained that particular practices occur due to social acceptability and reinforcement. I think sometimes, we just come to expect them. We anticipate that someone will hold the door for us, that our friends will settle down when necessary and that people will keep their appointments unless an act of God prevents them. I see a sign indicating that traffic should move at 45 miles an hour, I instantly expect everyone to drive 50. Sometimes this expectation can morph into a sense of deserving not from merit but rather, because it’s just right. I keep my appointments, I try to avoid being a pain in the…
We lose any sense of gratitude when it happens. If our expectations fall to the ground in disappointment, we’re then rightfully pissed and have an offense to hold onto for hours. God doesn’t even escape the trap of acceptable behavior either. He said, “Ask, and it shall be given to you….” but my prayer hasn’t gotten any visible attention beyond my personal devotion for years. God isn’t doing His part while I’ve been faithful all the while.
Faith and expectation aren’t incredibly different. We expect God to do the things He does. It’s what we do with it that matters. Can we justify tossing out gratuitous expressions of gratitude and not have out hearts examined? Can our expectations be dashed on the rocks when God seems to stand around silently after one of our most fervent prayers? If so, can we uphold our being ridiculously pissed at Him after?
Obviously not. We just have to examine our motives and expectations and understand that faith isn’t necessarily getting what we want all the time.
I wanted to post this as part of the One word at a time carnival hosted by Bridget Chumbley … but time constraints prevented that. Either way, go check out the other writers and see their amazing takes on this week’s theme, Gratitude.
very true what you have written. it’s not always we get what we want therefore it becomes a necessity to review our expectations time to time. good post!
It’s funny, almost like we become spoiled brats and throw tantrums when we don’t get our way, even with God. I hope I can always feel and express my thankfulness for the One who made me and saved me, independent of answered or unanswered petitions.
Thanks for the compliment!
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jake Lee, Duane Scott. Duane Scott said: RT @muchl8r: Gratitude: In Which I Write About Being Annoyed [Yet Again] http://bit.ly/ceKZOf on vML! […]
"but my prayer hasn’t gotten any visible attention beyond my personal devotion for years. God isn’t doing His part while I’ve been faithful all the while."
Thanks for writing about the heart of the matter of gratitude, not the action or even the words. Part of faith is coming to an honest place with our anger and our expectations. Amazingly enough, God returns our sourness with more faithful and grace.
I certainly hope people picked up on the attitude here, because no matter how faithful I think I am, it pales in light of God’s faithfulness. Sometimes though, like the brats we are, we get pissed that He isn’t doing what we want Him to. It’s ridiculous.
Thanks for the comment Bonnie, and thanks for including it in the Faith Jam today!! Much appreciation!
Habits and expectations certainly do diminish the true feeling of gratitude. And yes, it doesn't escape God. I'm working on that one.
As far as "a pain in the /…." – yeah, that's supposed to be (_|_) though I feel a little guilty pointing out that typo. You're welcome.
Thanks Candy. I was totally going to a list that trailed off, but stylistic FAIL!
I kept thinking about this post today and thanking God, I really hope the message was delivered without me sounding like too much of an (_I_) .
Most of the time what I see as the best outcome is not how it ends up happening. I've certainly gotten upset about that before, but I keep learning and growing. Faith is trusting His love and goodness to bring us into His planned best. Great post, Jake. Thanks.
Isn’t it funny how we dream up how we want things to be or have expectations and then we’re surprised when they don’t happen? I mean, I’ve been at this for a while now and most of my scheming and all that never pans out exactly like I wanted it to. Why on earth are we shocked by this, and how can we justify being so contentious about it?
I think we learn gratitude on a whole new level once we understand we’re not in control….. and are alright with it.
Sigh…
Yeah. I hear you. I get really cranky with people sometimes, and it just sucks the gratitude out of me. Then I think to myself, you’ve got a lot of nerve being ungrateful given all that God has given you. But still…
Yeah, being a grumpy ho isn't always glamorous. I exaggerated a little for the post, but at the same time, all three instances were true. The music in the car one has been true with one friend multiple times now. I have gotten to the point where I don't listen to music when he's in the car with me….
But you're right. We have been given too much to ever feel ungrateful. Some of us just have to keep reminding ourselves of that.
Anger generally comes from disappointed expectations. Instead of managing anger, we should – as you say here – work on managing our expectations. Good post, Jake. And we could all write something similar, because we all do the same thing.
Glynn, it's so true. We all do this– recognizing our fault is the first step to getting out of it. The next thousand steps involve reminding ourselves and repenting over and over because this one isn't easy to accomplish at all.
Expectations certainly get me banged up a lot. It's so hard to make them realistic at times when I can only make assumptions about the motives behind another's actions.
I love your writing. You make me feel like I'm right there and we're having our own conversation. Thanks!
Sheryl, thank you for the comment. I really appreciate your kind words! I love that we use faith and expectation as though they’re synonyms. In many situations, they can be but in so many more it’s something entirely different. I suppose it depends on the heart behind it all!
I have been in the middle of situations similar to what you descibed…yeah, it stinks. But, I find that it's when I release my frustrations to God is when anger and confusion begins to subside. My situation may not change, but as I surrender disappointment (or whatever it may be) I gain a new perspective, a higher one at that. Also, there are times when it's ok to voice our disappointments to one another…it shows that we value ourselves enough to say "hey, I feel ___ when you____…"
Oh Kevra, you never were any fun, were you? (Just kidding) I was mostly exaggerating with the whole being pissed at this and that, but it goes to prove the point that we treat God the same way we treat people and by the same standards. If they’re ridiculous coming from one person to another, how much more when it’s us holding God to those standards?
thanks for the comment!
I believe we have all had & will have similar experiences. The awesome truth about God is he looks at our heart & he knows it and in knowing our hearts he is faithful to chasen us to come to him.
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